Dear Me

Dear Me,

I don’t really know how to start this… it’s strange writing to you, because you’re me—but also someone I can’t fully imagine yet.

I’m 14 right now. Everything feels big. Loud. Confusing. Sometimes exciting, but mostly… uncertain. I don’t really know who I am yet. I try on different versions of myself depending on who I’m around. I care a lot about what people think, even when I pretend I don’t. I want to fit in, but also feel like I don’t quite belong anywhere.

So I guess my first question is… did we figure it out?

Did we ever feel comfortable just being ourselves without needing approval?

Right now, I feel things deeply, but I don’t always understand them. Anger comes up and I don’t know where to put it. Sadness shows up and I try to push it away. Sometimes I feel like I have to be strong, like feeling too much might make me weak.

I wonder… did you learn how to feel everything without being afraid of it?

I hope you didn’t shut it all down just to survive.

There are things I’m already scared of. Being rejected. Being alone. Not being good enough. I don’t say it out loud, but it’s there, quietly shaping how I act. I try to be who I think people want me to be.

Did you ever stop doing that?

Did you ever become someone you actually respect?

I also have dreams, even if they’re not fully clear yet. I want freedom. I want to explore. I want to feel alive. Not just go through the motions like everyone else seems to be doing. There’s something inside me that knows there’s more to life than just following the expected path.

Please tell me you didn’t ignore that voice.

Please tell me you listened to it, even when it was scary.

I don’t know what life has given you by now. I don’t know what you’ve lost or gained. But I hope you’ve learned something important…

That there was never anything wrong with us.

That all these feelings I’m having right now—they weren’t problems to fix, but signals to understand.

I hope you’ve become someone who can sit with pain without running, who can feel joy without holding back, and who doesn’t need to hide parts of himself anymore.

And one more thing…

I hope you’re kind to yourself.

Because right now, I’m still learning how to be.

Take care of us.

— Me, at 14